Hello again happy black history month anyways
I've been pretty fucking good lately and, for the first time ever pretty much, everything seems to be working out for me. My only problem is that I yearn for community that I do not have. I got a taste of it while I was in the hospital. The other patients were so kind that was the first time I'd ever had a group of people be so kind to me I can't stop thinking about it. They really did change me. Just those small acts of kindness those people showed me changed me as a person.
That's a little personal lol but anyways.. I am gonna try to build an online community I'm just gonna start with making more posts on different websites and shit and also commenting on other peoples posts more often. Also dm'ing people is prolly smth i should do. I haven't really had any sort of online community sense twitter (I left twitter in like 2021 that was almost 4 fucking years ago jesus..) and it's been a while so I have to re-learn how to interact with people online sort of- I've had a rebirth I'm starting from a clean slate.
Also I'm gonna try to post some tiktok videos (if you're reading this and you hate tiktok I don't wanna hear it. I love tiktok idgaf) just videos taken with my camcorder cus I don't have an iphone lol. It would make me stand out at least. I've already filmed a video of me drawing ethel cain I just hav to edit it. Im gonna try to do a varity of artistic videos I guess and see what happens. I dont wanna be a tiktok influencer I just wanna stay in my little niche of low quality videos lol
For the most part though Im not that lonely just bored. I just wanna talk with people who like the same shit as me!
also also! My new homepage!! Omg i fucking love it. The original one was inspired by old geocities sites that someone would make in one day after learning basic html and this one is more like old geocities sites that had a bit more effort put into it. Or old blog sites bc I also put some fake ads which I thought was funny. My last one was so fucking ugly but at least I was self aware lol. A lot of people who made geocities sites made their shit ugly and thought it looked good. This new homepage will propbably stay in this layout for a while I just love it so much :))
Hello, World!
so this is my first post.. I waited a while before I made this I wanted to feel more like myself before I wrote anything that someone could end up seeing. Even if no one ends up seeing this I'm still having fun making this website. I started in I think September last year and this site already went through a lot of phases but this one is my favorite it's the most inspired by those shitty geocities sites from the late 90's I love it.
I recently got out of the hospital btw which was my plan- I went to the psych ward and that was supposed to be a fresh start for me and it was I feel good now and like a real person (thanks to the antidepressants lol) and this website will be where I document myself growing into my new skin. New beginnings feel kind of weird cus I feel kind of aimless - I'm so used to only thinking about the future and what I would do if everything was better and what the fuck I should do to escape everything keeping me back but now I am in that future...
I'm making art again I'm playing guitar again (I got so fucking rusty it hurts!!) I'm caring about how I present myself again I am I new man and it's so fucking weird! What a great start to the new year (for me at least. It seems like things in the world are going kind of crazy but what can I do? I can make myself stronger so I can make it through hard times).